Phone Calls Gone WRONG
by Schwerelos
Summary: [Death Note x Ouran High School Host Club Crossover] Tamaki and Light, played by Mamoru Miyano. Kyouya and Mikami, played by Masaya Matsukaze. Add the variables together and the result is this fic. [Spoilers if you don't know who Mikami is] [Oneshot]


**Disclaimer**: _Ouran High School Host Club_ and _Death Note_ belong to their rightful owners.

**A/N**: I blame Mamoru Miyano and Masaya Matsukaze. No, actually, I blame the ones who hired them particularly for these two set of characters. They probably did it on purpose (We all know it was HITSUZEN)

(Oh, and just for the purpose of this fic, we'll pretend that Mikami has a special God-Kira Hotline, ok?)

* * *

**Phone Calls Gone WRONG**

**Ootori Mansion, 23:57hrs**

It was really late at night. Kyouya Ootori was working, like always, until late hours in the night. Then suddenly, the phone started ringing.

He didn't even bothered in checking who it was, because he was used to this routine, there was only one person who would call him at such hours.

He picked up the phone monotonously, the other hand still typing wildly numbers into the processor. He thought he had heard it all from Tamaki Suou, his suggestions, ideas and pseudo-orders were always absolutely random, but he was not ready for what he heard next.

"It's Kira. Proceed with the next part of the plan. Kill them all."

…

… …

Obviously, Kyouya didn't know Tamaki as well as he thought.

"…"

And apparently, Tamaki couldn't get a hint. He continued talking; ignoring the fact that he hadn't uttered a word.

"After such procedures it will only be a matter of time before my enemies fall into my clutches. And then no one will be able to stop me!"

Of course Tamaki had been talking weird before, but this was a whole new level of insanity.

"Mwahaha… MWAHAHAHA"

"What the hell, Tamaki! What have you been smoking?!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

The laughing simply continued, oblivious to what Kyouya had said, or would say, for that matter. So Kyouya just did the most reasonable thing to do in such a situation.

He hung up.

**Somewhere in Japan, 23:57hrs**

Teru Mikami was working in some cases when the phone suddenly rang. But it was not any phone; it was THE phone, which meant it was God. God was calling him and so he answered quickly (and happily).

"Mikam-"

"KYOUYA! KyouyaKyouyaKyouyaKyouya!!!"

Mikami was quite taken aback when he heard God in such a hyperactive mode, and uttering a word he had never heard of in his whole life. It was probably some sort of new code that hadn't been put into action up until now…

"KyouyaKyouyaKyouyaKyouya!!! I'VE HAD THE GREATEST IDEA EVER!!!"

He just nodded, following along. God must've had a really _great_ plan for him to be _this_ jubilant.

"WE MUST DRESS AS XXX TOMORROW!"

"God…?"

All right… Now _that_ was a completely _innovative_ kind of order… He couldn't _quite_ understand the whole point behind this order, but it was God saying so and he would just obey.

After all, he was nothing but a mere mortal.

"I WANT YOU DRESSED LIKE XXX FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING!"

Mikami had no clue of where in the world he would find an XXX outfit at such late hours. But he wouldn't let down his god. He would complete this task no matter what.

"Understood"

"GREAT! WELL THEN, UNTIL TOMORROW!"

"Y-Yes"

He hung up, his heart beating viciously and his blood pumped up.

_Next Day__…_

**Ouran High School, 08:00hrs**

"KYOOUYAAAA!!! WHY AREN'T YOU DOING WHAT I TOLD YOU?!?!"

Tamaki Suou felt completely devastated. He was wearing his very-hard-to-find-and-custom-made XXX outfit, only to discover that Kyouya hadn't even _cared_ to bring his.

"Because you were being absolutely ridiculous, Tamaki. Even more so than usual."

"B-b-but Kyouya! I thought you had agreed!"

He had told him so, he had told him so! He was not making up things, was he? Then again, he had called really, really late so maybe Kyouya was already feeling sleepy and only agreed to shush him up.

But… that was still valid, right? HE HAD AGREED!

"Let's get going. Regardless of what you think this establishment is, we do have _classes_ in here."

Tamaki had run into his _emo_-corner, already black and filled with mushrooms. Kyouya, however, kept walking along the hallway.

"K-KYOUYA! WAIT FOR ME!"

Tamaki stood up, and tried to catch up; it was difficult to run in his XXX costume.

Come to think of it, he should go and change into his uniform…

**Kanto, 08:00hrs**

Light Yagami felt completely astonished. He had clearly told Mikami what had to be done yesterday night. And Mikami had never dared to defy him; he was far too devoted to even think about doing so.

On the other hand, the morning news was already airing and there was nothing about those he had wanted dead.

He grabbed his _special_ cell phone and dialed the number.

"Mikami"

"MIKAMI. WHY HAVEN'T YOU FULFILLED MY ORDERS?!"

"G-God! B-But, I have followed your commands word for word!"

"DO- NOT- LIE TO ME MIKAMI! If you begin failing me then I'll have no other choice than to do away with you!"

"G-God!!!"

_Click_. Light rubbed his temples, stressed out. The nerve of some people. He wondered if he could still count on Mikami, or if it was time to begin taking the matter into his hands once again. There was this saying, after all, that "if you want something done, you must do it yourself".

Little did he know that somewhere in Japan, a very confused Teru Mikami was standing in the street, in his XXX cosplay, completely unaware of what he had done wrong.

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Review, _s'il-vous-plaît_?


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